Anhata-Dysfunctional Archetype-The Actor/Actress

This archetype plays at love without ever engaging its true feelings.  This is generally caused by a wound that was suffered at an earlier stage of life.  They fear to love and show deep feeling for fear of being taken advantage of, or hurt.  When someone gets too close to their vulnerable core, they often do something to sabotage this relationship rather than “exposing” themselves for hurt and betrayal.

This archetype will go through life isolating itself from intimacy.  They live on the surface, appearing as though everything is fine.  They avoid bonding by acting out its conflicts in tension and drama and distancing.  They only feel safe at a distance from those they profess to love.  The old deep wounds are expressed by holding back feelings and using argument and a variety of other tactics to keep love away.  When someone gets too close to the wound it terrifies them, and are afraid they will lose control.  They fortify themselves against the humbling and purifying experience of love.  They desperately want it, and need it, but are terrified by it.  It would mean letting down their defenses, and possibly being exposed to the hurt and pain of the old wound.

The archetype being vulnerable, finds protection from hurt to be its main goal in an intimate relationship.  It hopes to find someone who will heal them of this hurt, but are unwilling and/or incapable of returning love.  This situation of drawing close, and then all of a sudden pushing away, may be a repeated pattern in their relationship.  This becomes very frustrating for all parties concerned.

The way to begin to change this archetype is to allow oneself to be open to love.  This is difficult when this archetype often finds itself in co-dependent relationships, where there is little chance of getting its wounds healed.  The individual will continuously blame the other partner, without ever looking at their own responsibility for the struggling relationship.  This archetype can find release from the pain by seeing their own patterns and end the struggle and conflict that was set up against being loved and being able to love.  Open yourself to love, and heal your wounds. 

If you think that you may have this archetype at work in your life try these exercises.  Take responsibility for healing yourself.  Get past the shallow relationships that develop due to the defenses that you have set up to protect yourself.  Here are some questions to answer to help:

• Are you able to be open and honest about your feelings with another person?
• How much love do you feel for yourself?
• Can you experience love for yourself when you are unhappy or lonely?
• Are you able to sustain a commitment through difficult times?
• Do you know how to stay with someone through the unpleasant and hard times when communication is blocked because of blame or resentment?
• Can you be detached enough to allow your loved ones to be themselves?
• Does your love help you to honor your commitment to work things through when you feel unsure and vulnerable?
• Can you be true to your feelings in a relationship without sacrificing or losing your sense of self?
• Can you love someone as they are and not expect them to change for you?
• Can you love yourself enough to be the way you are in a relationship?

These questions are not a test.  They are simply used to help you understand your capacity to love others, and yourself.  I shows your capacity to allow others to get close enough to really love them as they are, with out pushing them to change to suit your view.

Short Contemplation 

Get comfortable, and relax.  Take several deep relaxing breaths….feel it expand your chest.  Feel it center in your heart.  Do this several times.  Feel you chest expanding and filling with each breath.  Say; “I am love” repeat several times.  Feel the love flow into your heart.  Allow you gentle nature to surface as you allow love into your heart.  Be the most loving and tender person you can imagine being. Repeat the litany of love. “I am love, I am love, I am love......  This engages the creative power that is part of our spiritual inheritance. We are created by and from the highest energy of existence, and that creative energy is I am that I am.  When you engage that eternal I am, by using the word I am...whatever follows these two words will come looking for you. When you say I am love, you have created yourself in the image of love. You are love, at its very universal core. You pour love out in rivers. Love flows from your being, and passes over everyone who is near you. I am love...I am love...I am love. It encompasses the world.